4 Week Positive Parenting Devotional

Week 2: Our Words Have Power – Using Positive Language Strategies With Our Kids

We were entrusted with the beautiful children we have by a creator who designed them uniquely and with a purpose. And, as their parents, our words have the power to speak life, heal, foster closeness and to empower. The power of our words may seem daunting as we recognize that we are imperfect and fail often. But, as we navigate down the winding road of parenthood, God has provided us with all we need to be filled and encouraged daily so we can speak life and hope into our kids. When I make the time to read the word daily, meditate on it and pray God’s promises over and with my children, he faithfully gives me insight into who my children were created to be and what they need to hear from me day to day. I’m so thankful for a gracious and loving heavenly Father who wants us to succeed on this parenting journey!

“Speak words of love. Your words have the power to bring great blessing: ‘The mouth of the good person is a deep, life giving well’ (v.11a, MSG)

Today I’m providing you with 4 simple, positive parenting strategies that are research based and effectively create encouraged and empowered kids as well as help to develop and foster a meaningful parent-child relationship.

1. Positive Reinforcement 

Proverbs 18:21 puts it this way: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (joy or misery) … Your words can either speak life, or your words can speak death. Our tongues can build others up, or they can tear them down.

Let’s commit to building our children up by noticing all of the good things that they do on a daily basis. Stop what you are doing, make eye contact and speak to your child’s good acts and choices and how they make you feel. Try to acknowledge their good behaviour within the first few seconds of what they are doing. For example, if your child takes initiative to pick up their toys when they are done playing you may say, “Wow! Look at how you are gently picking up your toys and putting them in the right basket. I am so proud of how respectful you are being with your things. You just made my day!”

Remember to not only focus on what your child does, but also on who he or she is! Notice special parts of their personality and speak to it! Noticing kindness, gentleness, leadership and patience in our kids are all great examples!

Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. When we have lost our tempers or blurted out something we regret, a simple sorry, can go a long way! It’s good for our kids to see that their parents aren’t perfect and that developing a healthy happy relationship is a priority to us! 

2. Speak to who you know your child is, not to the behaviour you see

“When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” Proverbs 31:26 (NLT)

Not too long ago, my 8 year old daughter came home from school with a red face and a defeated look. When I asked if she was OK, she mentioned that a boy had pushed her and had thrown snow laced with ice chunks at her face several times on her walk home. Being known as a mama bear and never able to fully release the Kindergarten teacher in me, we promptly walked over to this boys home to have a little chat.

When we arrived at his house and he answered the door, I realized that I knew the boy and had chatted with him several times as I had walked Ava to and from school in the past. We acknowledged the incident and then God prompted me to tell him who he was. He was a kind boy. He was a good kid. He was fun and interesting to talk to. This pushing and intimidating behaviour just wasn’t him. As I told him these things, his eyes lit up, he became a bit teary eyed and all he could do was nod. I challenged him that day to own up to his behaviour but also to recognize who he was under all of that insecurity and under the bad choices he had made that day. And, needless to say, there hasn’t been an incident since.

I love this quote by Amy Weatherly: “Children have this amazing way of becoming exactly who we tell them they are. If we tell them they are strong, they become strong. If we tell them they are kind, they become kind. If we tell them they are capable, they become capable. Speak LIFE into your kids, so they will have what it takes to tackle their own life one day.”

3. Tell your child you love them, often

“Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)

These 3 words have the power to change our children’s lives: “I love you.” We should never assume that because of all that we do for our kids, that our actions alone are enough for them to know our love. We need to tell them often that we love them. We need to pull them close and hug them and whisper it in their ear. We need to yell it out the door as they are walking to school. We need to say it when we greet them in the morning. We need to say it before they fall asleep. We need to say it after we have corrected them. We need to say it just because. One thing is for sure, you can’t overstate how much you love your child! 

4. Word Your Requests Positively

Proverbs 18:4 “A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.”

Focusing on wording our requests to our children positively vs negatively can do wonders when it comes to our children responding quickly to us and actually listening to our requests. For example, rather than say, “stop running”, you may say, “use your walking feet!” Rather than say, “don’t touch that!”, you may say, “remember, to keep your hands to yourself!” Rather than say, “Don’t talk to your brother like that,” you may say, “Please use kind words.”

Try to keep a calm and confidant demeanour as you bring your requests to your child. You are then seen as the authority figure in the situation who knows and wants what is best for your child. 

Reflection

What is one positive language strategy that you will commit to add to your parenting tool kit?

Spend some time writing down the wonderful things your children have been doing lately and be ready to positively reinforce them this week when the opportunity arises.

During a time of prayer, ask God to reveal some of the unique and special qualities of your child’s personality. Journal what comes to mind and ask God to help you to speak life and encouragement into your children this week!

Praying for a week of life giving and empowering connection with your kids!