4 Week Positive Parenting Devotional
Week 3: Establishing Routines Rooted in Love and Grace
Establishing routines and rhythms throughout the different seasons of our parenting journey has brought a whole lot of peace and security into our home. Over the past 9 years, our routines have been adjusted and tweaked in various seasons and sometimes, absent altogether. I have learned that my “perfectly planned routines”, although created for all the right reasons, should never come in between my relationship with my loved ones and needs to be reviewed often to fit the current needs of my family. I’ve discovered that the best way to approach routines is to be intentional about planning my days but to also allow flexibility. And, sometimes, we need to look up from our plans and allow ourselves to experience the unscheduled moments with our kids and spouse that bring us life and fresh perspective.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Today I’m providing you with 4 simple, positive parenting strategies focused on establishing routines in your home that are rooted in love and grace.
1. Establish a Rhythm and Cadence to Your Days
The story of creation in Genesis 1 shows us that God intended there to be a rhythm and time of rest to our routines. He used His example of the creation process to set up a scheduled time to work and a scheduled time to rest and recover.
I have found that when my kids know what to expect day to day, they are generally happier and thrive off of knowing what their role is within those carefully cultivated rituals of the day. (I have found this to be true both at home with my girls and in the classroom with young children). A daily rhythm may include a morning ritual, mealtime practices, chore assignments, after school routines and bedtime rituals. We also have weekend rhythms that include time for rest, chores and family time.
“Routines are often difficult to establish and may need to change through the seasons of life, but when cultivated carefully, they promote life, love, regularity and security admist the constantly changing stresses of contemporary life.” Sally Clarkson, “The Life Giving Home.”
Here is a breakdown of two of the rituals that we have incorporated into our home with our 5 and 8 year old girls:
- Morning Ritual: Ava is up at 7:15, gets dressed into the clothes we put out the night before and makes her bed. Claire is up at 7:30. We always share a big hug and an “I love you” in the mornings. Both girls eat breakfast together and I do their hair at that time. They brush their teeth, put their snack/lunch bags in their backpack and then Ava is out the door for school. I always say, “have a great day, be a good listener and be kind! I love you!” as she heads out the door. Claire gets dressed and we leave the house to go to preschool. On the drive, we enjoy some good conversation about whatever might be on her mind that day. These simple moments are some of my favourite parts of the day!
- Mealtime Practices: Every evening of the week, dinner time is a shared experience around the table to reconnect and encourage one another after a long day. We do not have a TV on the main floor and any form of technology is not permitted at the table. I admit that sometimes my phone ends up at the table and if I pick it up, Ava is quick to remind me that it is a “tech free zone!” We pray together, enjoy a meal together and Ava and Claire will often choose to give us a recap of their days events, good and bad. Recently Ava let us know about an unfortunate situation where a few kids at school had said some mean remarks about her body. Because we had set the environment for her to open up to us, we were able to take that sad and frustrating experience and turn it into an empowering life giving teaching moment that equipped Ava with truth and confidence to face the next day at school.
“A formula is simply a collection of best practices. Raising a great kid is the result of a lot of best practices, gathered based on what’s important to you as a parent.” Shelley from Mama Duck
2. Consistent Evening Routines Make for Easy Mornings
1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that our God is a God of peace and not disorder. Being organized and incorporating daily routines will bring calmness and peace into our day to day lives.
The more positive and predictable bedtime routine is, the more willingly our children tend to go to bed! On most days, we begin our bedtime ritual by 7pm. We start early because Jason and I are tired by this point in the day and we like to have time for consistent quality bonding time with the girls and still have lights out by 8pm. The girls have a bath, get into their pyjamas and pick out a bedtime story. Reading every night has been part of our routine since we brought Ava home from the hospital as a newborn! We give the girls fruit for a snack and then read a story out of the Jesus Storybook Bible. Then it’s time to brush teeth and get tucked in. Jason and I will spend some time with each of our girls, listening to them, encouraging them and praying over them before its lights out, hugs and I love you’s.
The routine of ending the day with love requires commitment and time and we need to be intentional to act in love even when we don’t feel particularly loving and are ready for some kid free time!
After the girls are in bed, I make sure to empty the dishwasher, clean the sink, wipe down the counters in the kitchen and do a quick tidy so I wake up to a peaceful and clean space in the morning.
3. Teach and Release
“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” Colossians 3:23
Just as routines and rituals require some grace and flexibility, we also need to be willing to give our children the opportunity to make these daily routines their own after we have taught them how to do the tasks that are expected of them.
For example, during our daily morning ritual, my 8 year old daughter makes her bed after she gets dressed for the day. She is still slowly waking up at this time so she keeps the lights dimmed and works slowly. When she is done, you would think that we had a professional housekeeper come in to complete the task, but it’s our Ava taking ownership of this daily ritual. This simple task reflects the sense of pride and enthusiastic commitment Ava has to completing this task well. Establishing this positive habit took years of patient teaching and reminders and lots of verbal affirmation for a job well done, and it paid off!
4. Make Self Care a Priority: You Can’t Give on an Empty Tank!
“But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42 NLT
I’ve possibly left the most important ritual for last! It is so important to include a healthy dose of “Soul Care” and “Self Care” in your life. God calls us to step away from all of the demands and rest in him. Soul Care includes those things that fill you from the inside out such as meditating on the word, prayer, a morning devotional, a nature walk, a weekly date night with your spouse or attending church and singing your heart out during worship. Self Care may include exercising, eating well, getting a massage or a pedicure and having a hot bath with your favourite essential oils after a long day. Things that nurture your body, mind and soul will give you the reset you need to keep on giving to your loved ones!
A special note on weekly couple care: make date nights a priority! Nurture your relationship, one-on-one with no interruptions, by intentionally spending some kid free time together each week. Move away from the rote conversations focused on who’s getting what done and when and check in to see how your spouse is actually doing! And, remember to have fun together! Plan ahead to incorporate some of your favourite activities into your date nights. Healthy parents ultimately bring a deep sense of security to their kids!
Reflection
Have you taken time to reflect on your family’s daily routines and rituals?
Spend some time writing down what is important to you as a parent and what lifelong positive habits you are hoping your children will develop.
Schedule in one act of SOUL care and one act of SELF care that you will do for yourself on a daily or weekly basis.
Commit all your plans to the Lord! Praying for a week of intentional and meaningful routines that are rooted in love and grace and will bring greater connection and purpose in your day to day interactions with your kids!
